Marriage Booster

Ephesian 5.25-32
Husbands, Love Your Wives as Christ Loved the Church

Overview of the Text:

The central command to husbands is to love their wives (25a), and they are to pattern their love after Christ’s love for his Bride, the Church (25b).

The central manifestation of Christ’s love was that he “gave himself for her” (25b).  Even so, the central manifestation of a husband’s love must be in giving himself for his wife.

Christ gave himself with a specific goal in view, and a husband must give himself for the same purpose, that his bride should be “glorious” (27a) and “holy” (27c).

Glory and holiness are the results of sanctification (26a), which itself is the result of being washed with the “water of the Word” (26b).

Paul then explains that husbands are to love their wives “as their own bodies” (28a).

Paul isn’t changing analogies, but exploring another facet of the same one: By God’s creational design, when a man and a woman are joined together in marriage, they become “one flesh” (31).

This is “a great mystery” (32a) designed to reflect the “great mystery” of the union between Christ and the Church (32b), a union in which the Church is Christ’s body, and we individually “are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones” (30).

Given the “one flesh” union between husband and wife, a husband “who loves his wife, loves himself” (28b).

Paul points out the absurdity of a man hating his wife, noting that “no man ever hated his own flesh” (29a).

To the contrary, every man cares for his body by nourishing and cherishing it (29b), which is exactly what Christ does for the church (29c), and exactly what husbands should do for their wives.

Meditation:

Husbands, in loving their wives, are to imitate Christ in his love for the Church.

Husbands cannot imitate Christ in every detail.  They cannot, for example, die an atoning death for their wives.

But husbands are to imitate Christ in a very real way, for God designed human marriage as a trinitarian echo of Christ and the Church (32).

Indeed, it is through human marriage that God forms his own Bride (Mal 2.15; Eze 16.20a, 21a).

In considering Paul’s word to husbands, I first want to consider the goal and the measure of a husband’s love, which is to make his wife glorious and holy.

Then, I want to consider the means by which a husband is to pursue that goal:

(1) giving himself for her (25);
(2) not neglecting her, but nourishing and cherishing her (29); and

(3) washing her with the water of the Word (26).

Holy and Glorious:

A holy and glorious wife is both the goal and the measure of husbandly love.

Nothing brings a husband’s calling into focus quicker than answering some pointed questions:

Is your wife more glorious for having married you?

Does she know God better and love him more because she married you?

Is she a better person, a more beautiful woman from the inside out because she is your wife?

And keep in mind that a wife that is cowed is not glorious.

A wife who is neglected is not glorious.
A wife who is mistreated is not glorious.

A wife who is ordered around or corrected like a child is not glorious.

A wife who is a non-entity is not glorious.

He Gave Himself for Her:

Husbands are to give themselves for their wives as Christ gave himself for the Church.

Already, we run into a problem, for while willingness to die for another is part of the male psyche, living for another is not.

Yet, Jesus shows us that active, on-going giving of yourself for your wife is the very essence of masculine love.

Christ didn’t give himself at the cross only; he gave himself in his earthly ministry (“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mat 20.28), and now “he ever lives to intercede for us” (Heb 7.25).
That kind of active giving doesn’t just happen; it requires prayer, planning, commitment, and sacrifice.

It begins with giving yourself for your wife in prayer (ibid.).

That means carrying her to God in your arms, as it were, and praying in the “we” (Dan 9.4-19; Jn 17.20-24).

It means being fervent in prayer (Jam 5.16).

It means being understanding toward her and honoring her as a fellow heir of eternal life so that your prayers are not hindered.  1Pet 3.7.

Not Neglecting, but Nourishing and Cherishing:

Husbands should not “hate” their wives, but “nourish and cherish” them as their own bodies (28-29).

“Hate” in this context means to fail to give what is owed under a sacred duty.
Jacob, for example, “hated” Leah because he loved her less than Rachel (Gen 29.30-31).

In the same way, a husband who neglects to nourish and cherish his wife “hates” his own body.

Once again, we have a problem.

Men make good firemen but lousy nurturers.

Men respond well in crisis, but they need a crisis to respond.

That’s not nurture or cherishment; that’s neglect.

You don’t wait until you’re starving to eat.

Yet many husbands neglect their wives in just this way.

They don’t act like their wife is one flesh with them.

Husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives as their own bodies.

“Nourish” means “to provide food for,” and thus to promote health and growth.

“Cherish” means “to keep warm,” and thus to tenderly care for.

Is your wife healthy and growing because she is married to you?

Is she warm inside and out because she has you for a husband?

Does she feel safe, secure, and significant?

Or does she feel empty, cold, and neglected?

Do you show her consideration?

Do you speak kindly to her?

Do you listen to her when she talks to you?

Do you perform little kindnesses that show her you think and care about her?

Do you pray with her?
Washing with the Water of the Word:

As Christ washes his Bride in the Word, so husbands are to wash their wives in the Word (25-26).

This is an indispensible means of nourishing and cherishing.

A husband must lead his family in the Word regularly.

The Word is food, and eating every once in a while is not nourishment.

He should establish and conduct regular family devotions.  Just 15 minutes on a regularly basis would be a vast improvement in most homes.

It is also especially beneficial to have little time of regular prayer with just you and your wife.

Washing with the Word also contemplates “letting the Word richly dwell within you” (Col 3.16).
Teaching is but one manifestation of a certain kind of man – a worshipping man, a thankful man, a spiritual man, a man of faith, a man of love, a man like Christ.

That man will nourish and cherish – he will give health and warmth to his wife and family.

Closing Exhortation:

Men are born with the desire to be a hero.  Tragically, most men miss the opportunities God sets right in front of them.

Very few men will ever have the opportunity to be a military hero or to save someone’s life.  But all husbands have the opportunity, indeed the calling, to be a “savior” echoing Christ to his wife and children.

Such a man becomes a means whereby his wife and children are nourished, cherished, holy and glorious.

A man who rises to that opportunity is far more heroic and has far more lasting impact on the world than a military hero.